The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
