Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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