White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
