dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hippo gnu deer
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
