Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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