I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
