I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
