You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
