Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
