They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
