i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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