apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
