the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
