Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
