remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
