just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
