Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
