I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
