Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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