He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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