She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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