So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My liver just had a heart attack.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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