drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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