i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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