I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
