matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
