Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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