lets start a swedish sibling band together
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
