i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
