he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
