your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
