I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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