I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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