I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
