i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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