only if we run a train.
done.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
