Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
