I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
