bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
COCAINE IS GR8
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