he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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