Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
