You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
