What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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