how can u be prego again
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
