i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
