feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
