sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
