she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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