Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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