U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
