just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
